Shifted finally.
But I am too tired and carrying too much of a mixed bag of emotions to feel anything close to excitement. I am not liking this place at all right now. The roads feel non-existent, the traffic feels omnipresent, and everything from homes to food to maids....is so damn expensive
Maybe I am also being unfair to this city because I am grieving what I left behind. I am not even liking this house, perhaps because it isn’t mine. The loss of your own home pinches in ways you don’t fully understand until you no longer have it.
Today while unpacking, I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed. Usually I am quick, efficient, always moving to the next task. But today I kept asking myself..... what the hell am I doing here? Why am I here?
Maybe someday, when my head is clearer, I will write in detail about why we shifted so abruptly. Right now my brain is dog tired, but somehow sleep refuses to come.
All I feel tonight is a deep sense of loss.
Visited Salasar Balaji temple after years, and honestly, with a lot of fear in my heart. Again heard news of someone passing away. Though this time it was someone already unwell, and maybe death was the kinder thing… it still leaves behind a heaviness you cannot explain.
Kiddo was exhausted helping me today. Sometimes I wonder if I should have let her come later after things settled a bit. But I also know having her here gives me mental peace, even if life now has to revolve completely around her routine and comfort.
I just hope uprooting our entire life will someday be worthy for her. Maybe that hope alone will keep me moving through the next few insane days of settling this lousy house.
Anyway, I think I have vented to my heart’s content now. Maybe I can finally catch a few winks of sleep.
Ciao
Ps.Thank you my fren for keeping me sane through these days of sheer madness
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